Sannya

I'm out of patience, Faddel, I'm telling you soul is almost out of my nose.

Faddel

(Within) You've no nose; originally, and you have no soul. The angel of death leaves you alive because he is afraid to get his hands dirty

Sannya

You homeless, impolite, alley garbage peasant!

Faddel

(Within) Ya, get it out. Show your real self. I'm not getting out of here and I'll be on strike till the hospital director and Shwarskov, commander of the allies come.

Sannya

I'm a sergeant and you're a soldier. It'd be better to listen to my words, Faddel.

Faddel

Oh, mother. Did I leave sergeant Mahrous on the front? He must have sent you here. I want my medicine.

Sannya

Here's the medicine. Choke on it. Get out, take and swallow it.

Faddel

How could I fix the bottle to my arm? How could inject myself?

Sannya

Find a way, a soldier must find ways

Faddel

Really! Why must a soldier find ways while the sergeant must not? I mean why. I want the official spokesman Major Rabyaan here

Omar

(A stoutly built nurse) Listen to me fellow. Get out of there or I'll kick the door in. this is petty officer Omar speaking

Faddel

I'm not coming out unless the hospital director or (Prese du Coiar) comes

Omar

Listen, isn't it enough for us to remove the filth you make on the floor every day?

Faddel

My filth! You have to take me to the toilet every once and a while. What do you do? Nothing. You don't take me, you don't help me and leave me screaming for help till I wet myself.

Omar

Get out and I'll take you to the toilets at once. Get out, room 12.

Faddel

How wonderful! At once! What about in an hour or two? Where will you be? It I do on the floor, you'll hit me.

Omar

I have no time for this shit every now and then

Faddel

I was hit by urine gas bomb and injured in the arm and leg. I want the director.

Azmy

(Enters the director of the hospital) What? What's up? Who left the room in such a mess?

Omar

The sick soldier inside, sir. He's the patient in room 12.

Azmy

What do you want, kid? Why are you making such a noise?

Faddel

They just throw the medicine on the door and say takes it. How could I fix the solution into my arm? They say find ways. That's what dog tooth Sannya tells me : Find ways. How could I find these ways? Give me your brains and take my shoe instead.

Azmy

Take it easy. (Looking at Snnya) Are these words true, sergeant Sannya?

Sannya

The matter, sir….… sometimes,……

Faddel

I want her to inject herself with the solution right now in front my eyes. Sergeant Sannya first and I'll learn.

Azmy

Listen, kid.

Faddel

Don't call me kid. I'm a hero.

(Azmy looks around . then, whispers in Sannya's and Omar's ears)

Faddel

Why are you silent? Conspires against me?

Omar

Listen, Faddel the hero

Faddel

Who is talking?

Omar

I'm petty officer Omar, the nurse.

Faddel

Petty officer Omar, sir. Oh, boys. Am I dreaming isn't it you calls us sons of……… take the food. Then, you talk our meat for yourself to eat and only give each one a piece of bones by the door.

Omar

Oh, is it me, Faddel, really?

Faddel

No, Mr. director general sir. Those people have tortured me, worn me out and kit me. I request for the security council. Tell them my name and they'll come at once. I'm Faddel Bush.

Azmy

Your father's name is Bush. Talk straight, Faddel.

Faddel

Yes and my mother's name is (Thatcher).

Azmy

Your mother's name is (Thatcher)

Faddel

They told me I have a sack full of money in the compensation International Box. Have they cashed the money yet? The International Bank will send me on agent.

Azmy

So, come out. Come out and we'll make a deal and show you the money. Remove

Faddel

Is it a name's word?

Azmy

It is a military order.

Faddel

Military order no.

Azmy

All right. No military orders. It's a man's word.

Faddel

I'm coming out trusting your word. (Enter a group of nurses, with blankets in their hands ready to attack him)

Faddel

I want you ( we cannot see him as he removes the barriers, the tables and the chairs) to force dog-tooth sergeant Sannya to fix the solution into her arm for us to learn, I want petty officer Omar to bring us all the meat and the food and I want sergeant Abdul Aal to change the bed sheets (As soon as he gets out, they all attack him. We can not see him as they hold him with the blankets and drag him out)

Azmy

Soldier Faddel Abdel Samie has to check in at the office to be court martialled for disobeying orders.

Faddel

(From without) Help, people, help! Get me the united nations and the International court.

(They put the room back order)

(A soldier with a radio comes in quickly. He salutes Azmy and gives him the radio)

Azmy

Hello, yes

The speaker

General Azmy director of the military has pilot?

Azmy

Yes, sir.

The speaker

The president is on his way to visit the hospital in an hour

Azmy

Yes, who do you say, sir

The speaker

The president is visiting the hospitals to distribute shields and medals and take some photos with the heroic soldiers. Be ready (Hangs up)

Azmy

(Talking over the radio) Hello. (Abu Srie) squad. We want you here at once. The president is visiting the hospital) We want Abu srie's squad for machinery and Abu Srie's squad for imported Egyptian humans.

(The stage gets crowded with painting and polishing labourers. The decoration changes completely. Flouers everywhere, wall paper of the most beautiful colours. A T.V set. A telephone. Stereo cassette with soft music. Beautiful nurses. New blankets and new sheets.)

Security man 1

(Enters and searches everything) (He talks over the radio) Everything is O.K, sir.

Security man's voice

(From without) Search carefully, Nahmoud with the explosives machine.

Security man 1

Everything is O.K.

Omar

(Enter with patient of room 12 rolled up in a blanket and pts him on the bed) Go to sleep belongs to this room. We've given him a sedative.

Faddel

I'm still awake. (From under the blanket. The imported, beautiful and elegant nurses laugh) What is it? Really. beautiful voices in room 12! Is it real or just a dream ?! (The girls burst in laughter) God, are these angels' voices or what? (Laughter grows louder) It can't be the hospital's nurses I'm listening to; dog-tooth Sanya or the sergeant (They laugh) This the voice of the sirens, (They laugh) It's music.

Nurse (1)

Get up, Faddel. Faddel!

Faddel

(still under the blanket) ?They know my name.

Nurse (1)

Come on, get up.

Faddel

God! Did I die in hospital and went to paradise?

Nurse (2)

Get up, Mr. Faddel. (They laugh)

Faddel

Mr. Faddel! This is a beautiful voice. You are not kidding, are you?

Nurse (3)

Please come and take your medicine, Mr. Faddel.

Faddel

Mr. Faddel! It can't be real. (He removes the blanket, runs out in surprise as he sees how changed the room is)

Nurse

Please, Mr. Faddel

Faddel

(Sets on foot inside and with draws it quickly) Incredible.

Nurses

Mr. Faddel please

Faddel

Room 12.

Nurses

Yes

Faddel

I'm in heaven, right?

Nurses

Come on in, hurry.

Faddel

(Enters the room) Allah is great! Sirens, dressed all in white a colored T.V.. Telephone.. How wonderful! There are telephone in heaven.. a fridge.. Great! Everything is white. We have a white day, may the prophet be praised. (The girls laugh) I love you white deer. (He tries to catch them. Falls down. They approach to carry him off the floor) Oh! Ah! Where am I?

Nurse

You're at the hospital

Faddel

Heaven's hospital. What happiness!

Nurse

We're at the military hospital.

Faddel

Is there an army in heaven as well?

Nurse (3)

Cut out this talk, man.

Faddel

Where are we?

Nurse

In El Agouza (The old lady in English)

Faddel

Who's the old lady? Your mother, for sure. Where are we?

Nurse (1)

In Cairo

Faddel

Is it our Cairo or heaven's Cairo, you naughty girl? (The nurses laugh) I love nuts and Sham sweets.

Nurse

You're in room 12, Faddel

Faddel

Impossible. Room 12 can not be that clean. (He leaves the room thoughtfully)

Nurses

Where are you going?

Faddel

To make sure that my room is really 12

Nurse (3)

Come lie down, so that I'd fix the solution into your arm

Nurse (2)

(Enters with a tray and grilled meat) Your food, Faddel

Faddel

What is this? One to fix my medicine and another to fetch my food.

Nurse (2)

I'll feed you with my own hands.

Nurse (1)

Would you like me to take you to the toilets?

Faddel

Will you bathe me?

Nurse (1)

At your service

Faddel

Why will you bathe me?

Nurse (1)

What do you mean?

Faddel

Why do you want to bathe me?

Nurse (1)

So as to be clean.

Faddel

And then ?… After the bath?

Nurse (1)

I'll dress you.

Faddel

And then?

Nurse (1)

Bring you back to bed

Faddel

And then?

Nurse (2)

And then I'll feed you.

Faddel

Then we go back to the bathroom?

Nurse (1)

At your service if you want to go back to the bathroom.

Faddel

Then, I take a bath, eat and go the bathroom. You (pointing at nurse 3) Will you take me to the bathroom?

Nurse (3)

We know that you have been hit with a wringers bomb.

Faddel

I was cared as soon as I saw you.

Nurse (4)

Thank God

Faddel

You, too, will take me to the toilets? (to Nurse 4)

Nurse (4)

Whatever you heaven.

Nurses

You're in Egypt, Mr. Faddel

Faddel

Mr. Faddel, go to the toilets, you feed me and you give me medicine. For sure, I'm not in Egypt.

Nurses

Where else, then?

Faddel

Which room you said we are in? It might be the wrong room.

Nurses

You're in room 12.

Faddel

First class 12 or 12 with a slash.

Nurse (1)

No, Mr. Faddel. You're in your room. You are in Egypt

Security man

(Enters in a hurry) Inspection. Inspection. All is under inspection.

Faddel

I'm really in Egypt. I did nothing, uncle.

Security man

Get up and sit straight, please.

Faddel

I need to go to the toilets.

Security man

I'll search you first. (He searches with a machine in his hand)

Faddel

Please uncle, tell me what you are searching for your lost daughter?

Security man

This is room twelve, isn't it?

Faddel

They put me in your room. I swear I didn't know uncle. Anyway, I didn't use anything. Neither the radio, nor the T.V nor the could get me to the toilets to have a bath, I was too shy to accept. I told then to wait till their father comes. It is a shame that they should bathe me. They are really tall but still young. Girls are like that. They grow up suddenly but I know they are just children… no more than 14 (looks at him) I mean 12 (Looks again) I mean 10 years (looks back at him) I mean 8 years.

Security man

Stand up. Sit down. Get up. Get down. Raise your arm, lower your arm. Remove the blanket.

Faddel

Nothing happened, really. Don't worry. Girls, keep your father away from me. Explain to him. I'm leaving you the room to do whatever you want. No harm is done.

Didn't I ask you, girls whether this room is first class 12 or 12 with a slash? (He leaves the bed. The security man passes the machine over Faddel's baby) thanks (The man leaves)

Faddel

(To the girls as he follows the man out) your father is a cold and liberal man. He left us together. Haven't I told him about the bath? He was not angry, He was reassured that he left me with you> you know something. I thought he was the angle of death when he first came in. (The nurses laugh) Allah is great! Allah is great!

Nurse

(Throwing perfume at hair) Here, here.

Nurse 2

(Combing his hair) Let me see your hair?

Faddel

Did you believe I have energy for all of you? I'm sick.

Nurse (3)

Take this shirt off and put than one on. (Gets him a new shirts)

Faddel

You know the sire, naughty girl

Nurse (3)

Take it off, please

Faddel

In front of all of you?

Nurse (3)

Yes

Faddel

Didn't I tell you that I'm married to fatma?

Nurse (3)

(they laugh) come on, mister

Faddel

You'll take the blame if someone from the hospital enters and finds you doing it with me. You'll be scandalized and the papers will write "four pretty girls rape a man in a hospital. The first told him to take his shirt off and the second…. (He laughs)

Nurse (3)

Come on, take the shirt off

Faddel

It will begin with the shirt. Then what?

Nurse (2)

Shame on you mister!

Faddel

(to Nurse 2) If you know about shame, tell them. Talk to them. Make them undserstand. Faddel abdel samieis a straight man

Nurse (3)

I'll be angry with you. Hurry up. Let's get it over with

Faddel

That's why you bring me flowers, a radio, a fridge a telephone and a T.V. All the four of you!

Nurse (2)

Here! Put it on yourself (Gives him a pair of trousers)

Faddel

You bring me a pair trousers!

Nurse (1)

And this, too. (Gives him underwear)

Faddel

And underwear, naughty girl.

Nurse (1)

Take your clothes off under the blanket

(They cover him with the blankets)

Faddel

Don't attack me while I'm changing, four against one is rape and rape is punished by death. Anyway, be sure that I'll marry each of you. The law permits four wives. One of you has to give up her right. (He changes and they remove the blankets) On second thoughts make a toss or I'll divorce fatma and keep the four of you. (Nurses lough)

(Faddel gets out in clean, elegant clothes. The girls rejoice)

(Enter Dr. Azmy with the T.V announcer saffya mahmoud, an assistant and some cameraman.)

Saffya

Good morning, hero

Faddel

Good morning. What kind of food do you eat, sweety? What does this lady eat?

Azmy

This is the hero Faddel abdel samie and because he loves the president, he called himself Faddel bush.

Faddel

How come you are here, Dr. Azmy? You are with us in haven. Aren't you Azmy.

Azmy

General Dr. Azmy.

Faddel

So, I am not dreaming?

Azmy

No, you are not.

Faddel

Tell the truth, sweety. (to Saffya)

Azmy

This is Mrs. Saffya mahmoud the famous T.V. announcer. Came for a quick interview with you

Faddel

Really, Saffya.

Azmy

Mrs. Saffya.

Azmy

I know you want to tell me she is a married woman and I should make a pass at her. She is single. As soon as they get married, women get fat and shapeless from both the back and the front. Is she shapeless? No. so, she is single. Don't believe me? Let's make a bet and have her inspected right away.

Azmy

Faddel, Faddel .

Faddel

Really Saffya. There is a doctor who tells me to fix the solution in my arm myself. What could that doctor be?

Saffya

No, impossible! He can't be a doctor. He's a bull.

Faddel

Listen

Saffya

Is there such a doctor, Dr. Azmy?

Azmy

Faddel is joking, aren't you?

Faddel

There is a dog tooth sergeant called Sannya who tells me to take the medicine and inject my self in the back. How could I? Will you inject me?

Saffya

I wouldn't know how

Faddel

It's simple. I'll close my eyes and you'll close yours.

Azmy

These are your nightmares, Faddel.

Faddel

What about dog tooth Sannya?

Azmy

We don't have a sergeant called Sannya. We have sergeant Sohyla, Mona, Huda and sergeant suzi.

(Pointing at the four girls)

Faddel

These are imported from heaven. They came to propose to me. To marry me. I mean I'll marry them. Get the priest.

Azmy

(laughs) This Faddel is so funny.

Faddel

Thanks.

Saffya

I really can't take part in this conversation. Listen, our hero, Mr. Faddel. I'll have a quick interview with you.

Faddel

Why quick? Be slow but sure.

Saffya

Be ready with the camera

Faddel

Don't be ready with the camera. What's going on? Explain to me.

Azmy

Come on Faddel. Hurry up, Mrs. Saffya. Son, Mrs. Saffya has got work to do.

Faddel

Is she your wife?

Azmy

Who is?

Faddel

Saffya.

Azmy

No.

Saffya

What you're saying is impossible, Faddel. Incredible talk.

(she laughs)

Faddel

(Imitating her) really. I'm so smart. He calls you Mrs. Saffya, come and say he was my husband.

Azmy

Stop this nonsense which will cause you trouble.

Faddel

(Takes Saffya aside) How come you allow him to dominate you? Where's your character? If he tells you to shoot pictures, say no.

Saffya

Listen, Faddel. I came for your sake.

Faddel

My sake!

Saffya

Yes.

Faddel

By god?

Saffya

Faddel , we are with you on T.V. I mean you are with us on T.V. You'll take in front of the audience and all the people in front of the audience and all the people in Egypt will watch you.

Faddel

All the people will watch you.

Saffya

Ya.

Faddel

It'll be a scandal.

Saffya

Why

Faddel

A man will get married. Why should all the people watch all on T.V. you're mistress of all women, for you, I could go through fire.

Azmy

(To labourers and nurses) out, girls, out. Harry up, you people. Out please.

Saffya

(To the camera) dear audience. The hero of this interview is one of our great gallant soldiers who took part in the liberation war. He's about to receive the highest medal from the general commander of Armed forces. We'll have a few words with him. The hero… your name.

Faddel

(Becomes frightened and his voice is held back) Ah.. Ah,

Saffya

State your full name

Faddel

PA..

Saffya

Stop

Azmy

Faddel

Faddel

Yes

Azmy

Say your name and let it be over, son

Faddel

Why don't you say yours? What's so special about my name?

Azmy

Because they're interviewing you in particular

Faddel

In particular me in particular

Azmy

Yes, you in particular. Please continue, Mrs. Saffya

Saffya

Because you, Faddel, was the first soldier to raise the flag, the first to enter and the first to be in military operations who came back safely.

Faddel

You've been keeping an eye on me for long, naughty girl. My mother prayed I should meet you.

Saffya

Let's record. Welcome to the hero. Introduce yourself.

Faddel

Faddel bush

Saffya

Stop. Why Bush? Is your name Faddel bush.

Faddel

I called myself so. But you want my old name before the war. Faddel abdel Samie from El Sawalem village

Saffya

Welcome to the hero

Faddel

(Shakes her hand kisses her) welcome to you. Welcome. Where are the pretty girls who were here?

Saffya

Stop! The girls, Faddel ?

Faddel

The girls they brought from heaven

Azmy

Wake up, son. What girls? What is the matter with you?

Faddel

The girls who were here. Haven't you seen them? The pretty girls unlike the pretty girls who have either a stick or a knife.

Azmy

Ok. We'll talk about it later

Faddel

And petty officer Omar. He never takes me to the toilets.

Azmy

Later. Later, Faddel

Faddel

Impossible, Azmy. You're interrupting me every now and then.

Azmy

Pay attention to the T.V. We'll see about that later.

Faddel

When is later, Azmy? This no good. You would not want me to send you to the commander's office, would you?

Azmy

What's next?

Faddel

What's next what? It's just as you see, Mrs. Saffya. This is my life. All around me have such a mentality.

Saffya

Please, go on, Mr. Faddel. You're on air.

Faddel

I'm on air. How come?

Saffya

On air.

Faddel

On the bed yes, on the floor it's O.K but on air! I can't be on air.

Saffya

Yes.

Faddel

All right, we're on air.

Saffya

We're shooting, gueys.

Director

(Enter) Impossible, Mrs. Saffya. How many times should we say action? What's wrong?

Faddel

Who are you to burst in shouting like this?

Director

I'm the director

Saffya

This our genius director; the famous Mr. Hussam.

Faddel

I don't know this Essam of yours

Saffya

Hussam

Faddel

I still don't know him

Director

Talk to the camera, son, and let's get it over with. You're on air. Please, go on.

Faddel

Go on yourself

Director

Action. Talk

Faddel

I'm Faddel Abdel Samie known as Faddel bush

Director

Stop. Let's do away with this know as Bush. Only your name. Continue, Mr.

Faddel

I'm Faddel Abdel Samie talking to the mayor of our village asking him to give back my three acres. I complained to the minister and the governor against you via airmail.

The letter was send back because they could not find the address.

Director

What's all that about the mayor, the minister and the governor?

Faddel

You don't know. When the mayor would not give me my three acres, I sent a letter to the governer but it was returned. I addressed another to the minister telling what the mayor had done. The letter was sent back opened by censorship and saying there is no such address. Did they sell the governerate?

The building itself belonged to Omar Effendi. Omar Effendi still lives. Where does the governer live at the moment?

Director

What's wrong, son? Will you give us a lecture every time you open your mouth? One answer to one question.

Saffya

You'll state your name, the village's and the mayor's name and say he's a patriotic man, loyal to the country and looks after people's welfare.

Faddel

Liar!

Saffya

What are you going?

Faddel

I want me to lie and go to hell? I have never lied since I was born.

Saffya

This is no lying. It's only words

Azmy

Listen to what you are told, Faddel

Faddel

But this is not true, Azmy

Azmy

Talk straight, soldier

Faddel

Talk straight, general

Director

How could this man talk?

Saffya

Mr. Faddel

Faddel

(To Saffya pointing at the director) How is this man talking?

Saffya

Mr. Faddel

Faddel

Yes

Saffya

We want to have a chat with you. Give and take.

Saffya

Words

Faddel

Only words?

Saffya

Yes

Faddel

And do children come through words only? Would not why get married according to the laws of Allah and his prophet? Why are you shy?

Director

This is impossible, general Azmy.

Azmy

(In a military tone) Enlisted soldier Faddel Abdel Samie. Do you know who I am?

Faddel

Who are you. I do not know you (sings)

Azmy

I'm general Azmy Abul Enien.. Dr. Azmy.. I'm giving you a military order to talk straight to the T.V

Faddel

(Signals to Saffya to come closer so as not to be heard) Listen to me (He sits on the bed and covers himself) I'm tired. Come here

Saffya

Yes (She comes closer. He smells her perfume)

Faddel

Good! Closer (She obeys. He sniffs) how sweet! Closer

Saffya

Here I am

Faddel

(Pointing at Azmy) Dismiss this man

Saffya

Who ? the director?

Faddel

No. he is worthless and unimportant. He's just a big mouth who gives children by words.

Saffya

Who do you want to dismiss, then?

Faddel

I don't like to talk about anyone nor to mention names but I don't like to talk in front of generals.

Saffya

But this is not possible

Faddel

Dismiss him. Dismiss him.

Saffya

But

Faddel

Find a way and I'll be obedient

Saffya

General doctor Azmy

Azmy

Yes

Saffya

May I have a word with you, please?

Azmy

Please do.

Saffya

(She talks to Azmy and waves. He waves his hands nervously and looks at Faddel who moves his eyebrows to the general teasingly. The general growls in anger)

Faddel

Those who want me have to come because I go to none. (sings)

Azmy

(To Saffya) I'll wait for you outside the room. When you finish, I'll be at your disposal.

Saffya

Thanks for your efforts, general.

(General Azmy exits)

Faddel

(Looks at the cameraman and the camera and director) Are you going to sit there like old monkeys?

Saffya

These are the cameramen and the director. Those are essential. Besides, they are not generals.

Faddel

What's so special about them?

Saffya

Impossible. They'll have our pictures on the screen.

Faddel

Ok what were we saying, Saffya?

Saffya

We were saying that both the mayor and the governer are good men.

Faddel

Not good

Saffya

His excellency the minister… If you had only sent the petition to Cairo.

Faddel

I didn't wait, did I? I sent the petition to Cairo. May Allah protect you, conqueror of all cities. I sent it but after a month I found it fixed to the house door with these words written on ot "This your petition, Nefeesa's son, soak its water"

Saffya

Who's Nefeesa?

Faddel

Your mother in law.

Azmy

My mother in law?

Saffya

May I have a word with you, please?

Azmy

Please do.

Saffya

(She talks to Azmy and waves. He waves his hands nervously and looks at Faddel who moves his eyebrows to the general teasingly. The general growls in anger)

Faddel

Those who want me have to come because I go to none. (sings)

Azmy

(To Saffya) I'll wait for you outside the room. When you finish, I'll be at your disposal.

Saffya

Thanks for your efforts, general.

(General Azmy exits)

Faddel

(Looks at the cameraman, the camera and director) Are you going to sit there like old monkeys?

Saffya

These are the cameramen and the director. Those are essential. Besides, they are not generals.

Faddel

What's so special about them?

Saffya

Impossible. They'll have our pictures on the screen.

Faddel

O.K what were we saying, Saffya?

Saffya

We were saying that both the mayor and the governer are good men

Faddel

Not good

Saffya

His excellency the minister… If you hand only sent the petition to Cairo.

Faddel

I didn't wait, did I ? I sent the petition to Cairo. May Allah protect you, conquerer of all cities. I sent it but after a month I found it fixed to the house door with these words written on it "This your petition, Nefessa's son, soak it and drink its water"

Saffya

Who's Nefessa?

Faddel

Your mother in law.

Saffya

My mother in law?

Faddel

Ya, she's my mother. What does this mean's? That the Basha minister sent the petition to those I complained against. They fixed it to my door. Do you see how our country is like, Mrs. Saffya?

Saffya

I promise to solve your problems if you say what I tell you.

Faddel

Enough

Saffya

You don't believe me?

Faddel

May Allah curse the fathers of those who don't.

Saffya

1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 action. Our dear hero Faddel Abdel Samie.

Faddel

(Together as if reciting a well-known anthem) I love my country, the people and I love my axe. Our Mayor Abdel Daym Abdel Daym deserves a kiss. Belharsia medication is for free. Everything is fine and beautiful.

(He falls silent)

Saffya

(Continues) I'm citizen Faddel Abdel Samie.

Faddel

I deceived you. You're Saffya mahmoud.

Saffya

Let's finish the program, Faddel

Faddel

Come and sit beside me for a while

Saffya

Faddel

Faddel

A short while

Saffya

All right

Faddel

Where's a my mother to come and watch me?

Fatma

(yelling outside) Where's my husband? Where's Faddel? Why do you want to stop my seeing him? Did he die? Something happened to him? To whom are you leaving me my camel?

Voice (without)

Don't do that, lady. The T.V is shooting. (Fatma bursts into the room to see Faddel laughing with Saffya)

Fatma

What is this, your mother's apple eye?

Faddel

Fatma! My wife! Forgive me, Fatma. A mistake we could. I'll marry her. You're sisters and nobody dies of one mistake.

Saffya

Are you wife of Faddel the hero? Welcome.

Fatma

Really. who are you kidding, sis? Sitting on the bed beside my man and what's this. You bought him flowers? (loudly) And what's this? A fridge, T.V and what a telephone?

Faddel

What's wrong, Fatma? (loudly) What's the matter with you? What are you yelling for? Mrs. Saffya will get me on T.V

Fatma

This T.V is on the bed, isn't it?

Saffya

Shane on you, Mrs. Fatma

Security man

(To Fatma) How did you get in here?

Fatma

On foot

Security man

How did this lady come in?

Faddel

She's n lady. She's my wife

Security man

Ladies are not allowed in here. (He drags Fatma away)

Faddel

Aren't you the father of the four pretty girls? I know you hate Fatma and want me for your daughters. Be tough on her. Frighten her. An angry red eye is always good with her. (He looks at Saffya Mahmoud) What were we saying?

Fatma

(To the security man) What do you mean ladies are not allowed? Isn't she a lady? (Pointing at Saffya)

Security man

This is Saffya Mahmoud

Fatma

And I am fatma abdul lateef.

Security man

I'm not kidding now . visits are not allowed for women , not allowed.

Fatma

(Approaching Saffya.) He says women are not allowed. Aren't you a woman, sis ? Or maybe you are a man turned woman?

Saffya

( To security) Excuse me. I'll interview Mrs. Fatma.

Fatma

I'm Fatma Abdel Lateef.

Faddel

Abu Rokab.

Saffya

Yes.

Faddel

Her full name is Fatma Abdel Lateef Abu Rokab.

Security

(In a rough voice) Visits are not allowed. Ladies are not allowed in here.

Faddel

Here she is. Is this Fatma a lady? Poor Fatma is a lady? What do you call those pretty four moons of yours? Angels? Pudding?

Security

I have no daughters.

Faddel

Really? Whom are you kidding? Leave Fatma alone, man, and find something else to do.

Security

Visits and ladies are not allowed

Faddel

This is no visit, she's Fatma, my wife. Why are you so troubled by ladies? I want to understand why you are so obsessed with ladies are not allowed. Ladies are not allowed? Are they that painful to you or did you get so old that you are no good any more? I know of a man who was scared by a certain woman. They made him an evil-spirits party (Zar) and he got well. Would you like a (Zar).

Security

No kidding, brother. Zar or no Zar. Ladies are not allowed

Faddel

(sings) Who are you? I don't know you.

Security

Shut up. Doctor Azmy! General doctor Azmy! (Calls out)

Faddel

Here's the phone. Use it, Azmy. Hello. God, the telephone is working. Hello. (speaking over the phone) Azmy. Am I afraid of Azmy?

Operator

Hello!

Faddel

Are you the phone?

Operator

Yes room No 12. Do you need anything?

Faddel

You're the phone. You know me.

Operator

Yes. Your Faddel abdel samie abdel motie known as Faddel (Bush).

Faddel

Huh? Ha! He knows me. It is correct then. Tell me, telephone.

Operator

Yes, what do you want?

Faddel

Why did you come to the hospital today while I have been asking to have you installed in the village for five years now. Besides, my address is in the village. Should I take you along when I go home, telephone?

Operator

If god wills it

Faddel

Give me Azmy

Azmy

(Enters along with security men) Yes.

Faddel

My wife, Fatma, is here. (She stands beside Faddel near the phone)

Fatma

It's me, Sir.

Faddel

The man says women are not allowed. What does this mean?

Saffya

It's over Faddel. Dr Azmy is already come.

Faddel

(Holding the phone) Come where?

Azmy

Visits are not allowed because the president is coming, son.

Fatma

He says the president is coming.

Faddel

President of the hospital?

Azmy

(Takes the phone and puts it aside) No, the big president.

Faddel

The big one. The marshal. The army president is the marshal, isn't he?

Azmy

No, the biggest one.

Security

The biggest one

Faddel

Oh, the minister?

Security

No, the biggest of all.

Fatma

The prime minister?

Faddel

The prime minister? Right?

Azmy

Higher up. Higher.

Faddel

The one I see on T.V

Saffya

Yes, man. The president

Faddel

The big president. The big president is coming here. Allah is great Allah is great.

Fatma

Will he see Faddel?

Azmy

Yes, soldier

Faddel

I'll tell him

Security

(Enter) What will you tell him about, Faddel?

Faddel

About the acres the mayor had stolen from me.

Security

No. This is not the time. Tell him thank God I'm happy, we are all right and everything is fine. Do you hear?

Fatma

Why are you shouting at the man? Take a drink of water, brother.

Faddel

I'll tell him that Mahrous, my nephew sits on the floor in class along with eighty other boys.

Security man

No. This is not the time. You'll tell him we are allright, Mr. President, Thank God, Mr. President, I'm happy and we are all fine in your reign. Do you hear?

Fatma

Why are shouting at the man like this? Have a sip of water, brother.

Faddel

I need to go to the toilets.

Azmy

This is not the time. Soldier.

Fatma

Why are you all shouting at him? Have some water, brother.

Faddel

Don't shout at me. Why are you all against me? I'll tell the president everything. The room is dirty. The bed was changed and there was no T.V, no radio, they throw food on the door and they ate the patient food.

Security man

No, this is not the time. You'll say thank God, Mr. President.

Faddel

We're fine, Mr. President

Fatma

Thank God, Mr. President

Faddel

I'm happy, Mr. President

Security man

Yes, Right

Faddel

Everything is not all right, Mr. President

All

What do you say?

Faddel

Did I say anything now?

Azmy

Look, my son

Security man

We'll look into all your problems and solve them after the president is gone. I promise you.

Faddel

(sings) Who are you? I don't know you?

Security man

The president is coming to give you shields and medals.

Azmy

To take photos with you

Saffya

You'll be with the president on T.V

Fatma

How wonderful! Wonderful!

Saffya

Your husband is a hero and except for Fatma's prayers, you would have died in the explosion but you were only injured.

Faddel

God saved me. Thank God.

Security man

I say… has anyone in your family met a president before?

Faddel

Give me some water, Fatma. This man always frightens me. (Fatma gives him a glass of water to drink)

Security man

Answer me

Faddel

Yes, what do you want? (Imitating him)

Security man

Has any of your family met the president?

Faddel

No.

Security man

Thus, you've entered history

Fatma

How has he entered history? Who do they let you in?

Security man

You'll have a photo with the president

Faddel

But I'll tell the president that they made a military museum in the castle with no photos of one singles soldier. All of them are officers. I want my photo there. I'll be the first soldier in the museum.

Security man

No. This is not the time. You'll tell him thank God. Mr. President, everything is O.K, Mr. President, and everything is fine, Mr. President. Do you hear?

Faddel

Water will do no good, Fatma. The bonds out there did not cause but urine but this man will unsex me. Mrs. Saffya.

Saffya

Yes.

Faddel

Take this man on T.V instead of mother Karyma. He could shout at men and women and cut off their ability to bring children at once. The streets will be empty once more, flats will have "For rent" signs again, be perfumed again and there will be no crowds. Hang up this man's photo everywhere.. School pupils will hear records of his voice so that they will never grow up. We could import them to India and China where they will soon be outnumbered. We can gain a lot from these tapes.

Security man

Stop joking, Faddel boy.

(Sounds of cars and the presidency sirens. Everyone runs out off the stage. Sounds of salutations. Faddel and Fatma are alone under a spot of light we can hear their hearts beating in fear and bewilderment)

Faddel

Fatma… Girl.

Fatma

Yes, Faddel

Faddel

Do I look good, brother

Faddel

I'll have a photo with the president, Fatma and I'll take a medal.

Fatma

Tell me Faddel what will you do with the medal?

Faddel

What do you mean foolish girl? This medal girl is just like Solmon's ring. Do you know Solmon's ring?

Fatma

No

Faddel

Do you know Alladin's lamp and the spirit in it?

Fatma

Yes, I know it.

Faddel

The medal is the same as the lamp. Anything we ask for we'll find

Fatma

This medal how wonderful! is solmon's ring medal

Faddel

What solmon's ring medal? I said it's like it Fatma. Like it.

Fatma

All right, brother, all right.

(Clock ticks.. spot on Fatma.. A frightening sound)

Fatma

An hour had passed and nobody came, brother. Faddel

Faddel

(Does not respond)

Fatma

What's wrong with you, brother? Why don't you answer. An hour had passed but nobody came, brother.

Faddel

I want to talk to him, Fatma.

Fatma

Talk to whom?

Faddel

Talk to the president.. isn't her our boos? Isn't he the first one responsible? I want to tell him,…

Security man

(As if inside Fatma) No, it is not the time.

Fatma

What will you tell him (Not hearing the Security man's voice)

Security man

You'll say thank God, Mr. President.

Faddel

Thank God, Mr. President

Fatma

Will you tell him what they had done to you in the hospital if he asked how you were doing, Faddel?

Security man

Thank God, Mr. President. I'm happy Mr. President.

Faddel

Thank God, Mr. President. I'm happy Mr. President

Fatma

If he asked about your health and affairs, what will you say? Will you talk about the collapsed bride in village, about the poisoned water we drink from the taps and about the telephones? What will you say?

Faddel

Yes, I'll tell him

Security man

No, this is not the time

Faddel

No, this is not the time

Security man

Thanks God, Mr president

Faddel

Thanks God, Mr president

Security man

Everything is all right, Mr president

Faddel

Everything is all right, Mr president

Fatma

What's wrong, Faddel. You're so weak. Are you sick?

Faddel

I need to go to the toilet, Fatma.

Fatma

Come, brother. I'll take you there.

Security man

(Enters with a noise) Get ready, Faddel.

Faddel

Has he arrived?

Security man

Yes.

Faddel

Here he is, Fatma.

(Enter newspapers and T.V men, Dr Azmy and a high ranking officer from the armed Forces)

Azmy

Please, come in.

Faddel

(Looking at the officer) Thank God, mr president. I'm happy and we are all fine, Mr president. Everything is all right and service at the hospital is excellent and it is O.K the bright in our village is O.K. They haven it painted the hospital and it was never dirty. They have never thrown food at the door. Everything is all right, Mr. President. Are you listening, Dr Azmy? I know everything by heart.

Azmy

This is Marshal, son.

Faddel

Marshal!

Azmy

Yes, the marshal is the president's deputy.

Faddel

What deputy? We have done nothing, have we?

Fatma

This is not the president Faddel. They're kidding you.

Faddel

Am ignorant of the president. I know him. Marshal! What would we do with a marshal?

Fatma

Yes, he is not.

Faddel

You brought me a false one. I've seen them bringing a false Hitler during the word war in the cinema. But this does not look like him, sis.

Fatma

Yes, this man is not him.

Azmy

The marshal…

Faddel

I told you he is a marshal not the president, haven't I?

Saffya

(Enters) The president will have a photo with all of you, Faddel

Faddel

Don't you know the president, Mrs. Saffya?

Azmy

The marshal will deliver you the medal as a deputy of the president.

Faddel

Here you say the deputy again

Azmy

He's commander of the fifteenth Battalion.

Faddel

I don't know him

Azmy

Take the medal and hurry to be photographed with the president

Faddel

Where is he?

Saffya

Standing in the hall to be photographed with all the heroes.

Fatma

Put the medal on your chest, Faddel.

Faddel

Here it is (Puts it on) but take me to the toilet first. Everything is O.K., Mr. President. ( Saffya stands in the light spot)

Saffya

Dear audience. It's a moment when the heroes of Egypt meet with its leader in a memorial photograph that brings the supreme commander of the Armed Forces with his sons, the soldiers. (She runs out. Curtains. The scene changes).

The Mayor

Yes, your excellency the Basha, we're all at your service, Basha. Yes. Yes. Whatever you say. Goodbye.

The guard

Mr. Mayor. (The guards wears a gallabya and carries a gun)

The Mayor

Yes, (talking out the shesha from his mouth) What's the matter, guard?

The guard

That boy, Faddel abdel samie.

The Mayor

Died. Oh, what a loss. His father was a friend of mine. His father was a saying he is dead or in danger. Amartyer. And martyers are in heaven. We name the primary school of the liberation war and a martyer on our side means that our blood is their. What a pity!

The guard

Faddel Abdel Samie is not dead.

The Mayor

Why? Not dead? How come? He should have died a nartyer to raise our heads in konour.

The guard

He's outside with his wife.

The Mayor

Go, God plagues you. You've nothing except for real bad news. Let him come in.. or.. tell him the mayor is busy.

The guard

He says he come the president's office.

The Mayor

(Stands and drops the shesha) From the president. Welcome. From the president's office. A thousand welcome.

The guard

(Leaves and comes back with Faddel and Fatma)

Faddel

Here I com for you, mayor.

The Mayor

Welcome. Welcome. How are you, Fatma? Thank God you're back in Saffya.

Fatma

The same to you, Mayor.

The Mayor

Fatma said you were in danger. I was really sad and prayed for you.

Faddel

Thank you, Mayor. I came from the president's who tells you to give me back my father's three acres.

The Mayor

Your land is in my eyes. This land of yours, son, is a debt tied to my neck.

Fatma

To your pocket.

The Mayor

May God disappoint you, naughty girl.

Fatma

All right. The president says give us the three acres.

Faddel

The president's words are both on my head and in my eyes. The land is here and I had heat the money with me as a deposit. I was afraid you'd take the money and waste it. I know youth and their deeds.

Fatma

How wonderful of you, thief.

The guard

(Laughs)

The Mayor

What are laughing at, Amna Salama's son?

The guard

Nothing.

The Mayor

Shame on you, Fatma. All except insults. Everything is at your disposal, daughter. But where is the signal?

The guard

Yes, where is the signal as the Mayor says?

Fatma

What signal?

The Mayor

Weren't you send by the president? Where's the signal?

Faddel

Haven't you seen me with him on T.V?

The Mayor

We had no electricity in the village for a week new and I haven't watched T.V.

The guard

Don't you say the president sent you? Where's the signal?

Faddel

Signal!

The Mayor

Yes, the signal. I don't care if it is a little piece of paper (pointing at his palm) I would not say he should give me a call or send the governer to me but I want a little piece of paper.

Faddel

Here. Have a look. (Taking out the newspaper and handing it to him)

The Mayor

What's this? A journal? I don't know how to read. Did the president write me a word in the journal?

Fatma

No, look at the picture, Mayor. This Faddel's picture and this is the president's.

Faddel

Have you ever had a photo with the president, Mayor.

The Mayor

No, show me. (Holds the journal) Good, you're pictured with the president, Faddel.

Faddel

(Proudly) Yes.

The Mayor

Where are you?

Faddel

In the photograph, right in front of you.

The Mayor

Yes, I know here's the president. Where are you?

Faddel

Look closely, Mayor.

The Mayor

Here, Moselhy boy, take a good look

The guard

I'm looking (Holding the journal up)

Faddel

Take a good look, Moselhy and show the mayor. Eating beans has weakened his eyesight.

The guard

Wonderful. Here's the president but where are you, Faddel?

Fatma

Stop playing the idiot, Moselhy boy, or I'll give you a couple of slaps on the cheek.

The guard

This is the president

Faddel

Who is behind the president?

The guard

People

The Mayor

Bring the coffee, Khadra and put the wood on fire.

Fatma

(To Faddel ) Show him the medal.

Faddel

Yes, the medal. Look, mayor.

The Mayor

You brought me a journal paper and said the president had sent me, didn't you really?

The guard

It's called fraud and deception, Mr Mayor.

The Mayor

Call the police station, guard, and tell them we have a crook who says the president sent him and is taking advantage of his name.

The guard

Here I'm calling the station (Holds the receiver) Hello, the station, we have a crook.

Fatma

You people should be ashamed of you deeds.

Faddel

Look at the journal carefully, Mr. Mayor.

The Mayor

The journal has nothing nut the president's photo. Were you crazy, boy, when you said the president had sent you to me?

Fatma

What about the medal?

The guard

Hello, station, we have a crook (the telephone is a camouflage)

Faddel

Here's the medal.

The Mayor

What medalm boy?

Faddel

It's a shield of honour.

The Mayor

What does it mean fatma?

Fatma

It means Alladin's lamp or Solmon's ring, Mayor.

The Mayor

Really?

Fatma

You scrub it like this and a spirit emerges and tells you he's your slave and at your disposal. Isn't it so Faddel!

Faddel

(To Fatma) Ignorant! Ignorant.

The Mayor

Then, scrub the metal, Fatma, and ask it to bring me two cows.

The guard

It does not matter. Two goats will do.

The Mayor

Two acres which is even better.

Faddel

This the highest appreciation of the state.

The Mayor

Which state?

Faddel

Egypt.

The Mayor

Ancient or modern Egypt?

Faddel

Let's go Fatma for my blood is steaming.

The Mayor

Scrub the metal Fatma. Oh, he came saying the president had sent me! He also brought a journal.

Faddel

Tear it. I bought thirty others bearing in mind such envious and degrudging people like you.

The Mayor

I'm envious of you. Ha!

Faddel

(Pointing at the Mayor) Who's that, Fatma?

Fatma

That's the mayor.

The mayor

Who's that talking to me? (Pointing at Faddel )

Fatma

That's Faddel Bush

The mayor

Faddel Bush! No wonder your mother was always on the way to America and back and your father died with a broken heart, He used to tell those who ask about her that she is participating in the space program with America. Oh, you cunning man! Now I know the secret.

Fatma

(To Faddel ) This man has gone so for far. Should I put the medal in front of his eyes and say : Take his soul?

Faddel

Yes

Fatma

(Holding) the medal and approaching the Mayor) May God take soul. I wish you would die, Mayor. Die, Mayor. Ha! Ha!

The mayor

Why are you howling this way, girl?

Fatma

This medal does nothing, Faddel. It seems the spirit has run away from it.

Faddel

How could he, girl? Do it again.

Fatma

Do what?

Faddel

Scrub the medal.

Fatma

Here I'm scrubbing it, brother.

The mayor

Scrub again, Fatma. It might reveal its secret of do you want Moselhy here to help you?

Faddel

I want my land back, mayor

The mayor

What land, Faddel Bush? If Bush is your father who's your mother, my son?

Faddel

The International court

The mayor

Then, you don't belong to our country. Go, my son, and find yourself some potatoes or tomatoes to sell on a cart. We have business to do and if you stayed her, I'll deliver you to the station. Bring me tea, Khadra.

Moselhy

You and your wife, brother. Go beg from God. Come on.

Fatma

He isn't afraid of the journal and tore it apart. Isn't even afraid of the medal.

Faddel

He who isn't afraid of God will not be frightened by the medal. Oh, my head!